शहाणपण
इथे वाटतं प्रत्येकाला
आपणच फक्त शहाणे
झाल्या जरी हातून चुका
तरी करतात बहाणे
वाईट नसतं कोणालाही
मनापासून चाहणे
मात्र वाईट असतं कोणालाही
पाण्यामध्ये पहाणे

जरूरी असतं प्रत्यकाने
वकुब ओळखून राहाणे
नशिबी येतं नाहीतर
प्रवाह पतित वहाणे

तो क्षण निघून गेला अन मी पाहतच राहीलो…….
एकदा एका डोळे मध्यल्या अश्रुने दुस-याला विचारले……
‘ए का रे आपण असे
ना रंग, ना रूप,
नेहमीच मात्र चिडीचुप,
आनंद झाला तरी डोळ्यातुन बाहेर,
दु:खाच्या प्रसंगीही दुराव्याचा अहेर,
कोणीच कसे थांबवत नाही आपल्याला,
किनारा ही साधा नाही या पापण्याला…………
दुस-यालाही जरा मग प्रश्न पडला,
खुप विचार करून मग तो बोलला,
रंग-रूप नसला तरीही,
चिडीचुप असलो जरीही,
आधार ठेवतो भावनांचा,
आदर राखतो वचनांचा,
सान्त्वनांचे बोल आपणच ,
अंतरीही खोल आपणच ,
सुखात आपले येणे व्यक्तिपरत्वे,
दु:खाच्या प्रसंगी आपलेच मात्र महत्व,
आपल्याला कोणी नाही थांबवु शकत,
बंधनात नाही कोणी बांधु शकत,
उद्रेक आपल्या मनातील वेदनांचा,
नाजुक धागा वचनातील बंधनांचा,
भावबंध ह्र्दयातील स्पंदनांचा,
स्वरबद्ध झंकार तनातील स्पंदनांचा ,
म्हणुनच,
आपले बाहेर पड़णे भाग आहे,
आपल्यामुळेच आज हे जग उभे आहे.
अशीच आपली ही कहाणी………
ऐकून अश्रुंची ही वाणी
अश्रुच्याच डोळ्यांत हळुच आले पाणी……..

Surekh Samwaad - Kashe ani kuthe? ( सुरेख संवाद कसे पाहिजे - एक प्रयत्न )

 सुरेख संवाद कसे पाहिजे - एक प्रयत्न 

Surekh Samwaad - Kashe ani kuthe:

It was in the evening at around 5pm we all gathered and started our NVC session. It was for the first time that I was sharing NVC in Marathi. These bunch of youths were the NIGHT SCHOOL STUDENTS FROM MUMBAI. When we started with NVC, I actually asked them to share some experiences of their own life, where they found that they were not heard or when they thought, people don’t understand them or there is some friction or conflict. Many situations came in and what was really significant in all this, is that yes, we all have CONFLICTS in our lives and escaping from them is not at all the solution. And that’s we need to relook at situation, with a different lens and NVC (Non Violent Communications) is a way of looking at this differently.

The sharing also highlighted that we do feel hurt and we are torn at times, but we don’t have words to say. At times SILENCE is the best solution to stay calm and cool but how to communicate and let the other person know what I am going through is difficult. Also I am not sure if the other person will understand me or not? With people whom we know little this is still easy but with closed ones, it is very very difficult process.

In our sharing it also came, that we also have some needs of care, to be heard, to be considered and to be acknowledged but that never happens in our work places. The way we tried to understand needs and feelings of a human, with respect to our own body.

The 3-H THEORY (Head, Heart and Hand) explains it beautifully to a great extent. And we then looked at it. Only needs and feelings was exposed to the group since we were dealing with  the basics of NVC.

Small Model to help the group understand the NVC and where your needs and feelings are staying in your body. 

Then, we did a buddy sharing where each person took one situation of his life and asked some questions related to it.

 1. What conflicts means to you?

 2. What happens when you face a conflict?

 3. How do you respond to a conflict?

They started sharing it, and listening. The team of 2 was such that one was A and the other was B. When A will share, B will listen without responding. Similarly, when B will share A will listen. Also then they will share what they heard and will reflect. The sharing also helped them connect to each other, in the more special way. It was suggested that they take a situation which is of 4-5 level from 1-to 10 assuming that 1 is the least bothering situation and 10 is the most serious and bothering situation in your life.

It was quite moving to see, these youth talking about experiences from their homes to their slums, from the city news to political issues that we are facing today. They had diverse experiences and each one had some feelings and needs, that came very upfront and what was that? We did and together, tried to work on it.

Gorakh sharing with Santosh during the session.

Then we tried by taking one common situation. Then we looked at the needs and feelings associated with it. Wel also did some observation but did not go into much since it was first session and it was not a good idea to go fast but rather to let this concept SINK IN THEM.

Post that we had some discussion on NEEDS vs STRATERGIES. And how in our lives, many times we just look at strategies as our needs and not the need as such.  We did it through various examples from our daily lives, and looked at the various facets. Much more to take place in the subsequent sessions.

Looking forward to see some more enthusiastic crowd….!!

Gratitude and Peace.

Orientation and opening with the group members.

For more pictures https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.1039806462708402.1073741853.588602057828847&type=3

How to talk honestly and truly with myself and with others?

A space to grow and learn from within -     

There is truly a space within all of us that discovers its existence in peace and when we are connected with self. People often struggle to connect with it not because they don’t want to or they can’t spare time, but mainly because of their own fear and some judgments about themselves which acts as triggers and doesn’t allow them to face things.

Last week, with Eklavya team at Hoshangabad (Pipariya) we discussed on the same looking at it through the NVC lens. We together discussed on how at times, what I talk really doesn’t mean the same, what the other person hears or was willing to share? At times, it is just difficult to speak to others and myself due to the numerous judgments I carry about myself. For me at that point it’s essential to connect with myself and understand my own needs.

We also discussed then what kind of needs, generally come up and how do you know if it is really a need or maybe it’s only a strategy and not a need? May be its was quite challenging to first understand the difference between need and strategy and we looked at different examples to understand this particular concept.

Need- For me if I want to eat a pizza or a burger or rice, my need may be food (physical) or may be a need for choice whereas other things like what I really eat is just a means  for me. Similarly if I want to buy a car, car cannot be my need, my need will be either let’s say ease, space or growth whereas car is just one of my strategies to meet those needs. If someone offers me a strategy where I can go in an A.C. bus to my office, I might drop and look at this second strategy as an alternative.

We also then came out with different needs for ourselves, with which we struggle every day. Many experiences came in where team members shared how at times, when we talk something honestly and with good intention, then also the other person becomes angry and becomes irritated.

Then we did a small round, where people took different situations from their life, where they shared that situation, then the need that they connected with most and the feeling connected with it. This gave them confidence to connect more with what was alive in them, at that moment.

Brijesh sharing his experience with the help of Need and Feeling Cards, during the session. 

Brijesh, Nanda and Varsha shared their stories where they clearly said that if we talk honestly, then we are OUT from the place. So that also means there is a huge need of security, safety and trust before you speak honestly to others. At this point when I asked them to do a role play where 3 of them are talking to one X person  and then told them to pick the needs card which might be their need at that point. Then I asked the group to pick one NEED’s card for the other person X to whom they are actually talking to. And see what they discovered…..??

So, the other person’s need is so different than mine right now, so how can he welcome my agenda and that too when I am at his place/ home or territory? He is all together at a different height from where I am observing things. So, when we slowly reflect back on the needs card and look at both the beautiful needs, the first thing we need to understand is

“ALL NEEDS ARE BEAUTIFUL.”

 And before we move ahead, we first have to decide whether we can listen to the person completely in our full awareness or we need to request the person to first listen to me. Empathy, is that’s why the core of Nonviolent communications.

Here we might need to ask:

1.      Do I have enough inner space to be able to listen to the other person fully?

This check in helps to much extent. Participants reflected in different groups on the same and then they worked in different situations where one was giving empathy and the other one was receiving.

After this was done, some interesting sharing that came were like this- (translated to English, originally was in Hindi)    

•  For me I never knew I can be so particular about my feelings. These cards really made me full from inside.
•       I always had a big conflict from within, that used to bother me, but that is because I was focusing more on strategies and not on needs. Now, I am happy to discover, that we can look at different strategies for the same needs.
•       I am feeling confident because now I know, it’s not the other person’s mistake, it is just that his needs are different than me.
•       I am relieved and feeling lighter. Happy to discover this.

Dil Ki Zuban ..(Practicing N.V.C. through a Skype Group Call)

"DYNAMICS OF "I UNDERSTAND BUT...."

It was the 16th Feb'14 evening at 7 p.m. when some bunch of young, passionate hearts  decided to actually initiate the "Dil ki Zuban" (Hindustani Speaking N.V.C. Group)in a practical manner through Skype call. This initiative is not a new one,but I am involving now in it deeply. Today I would like  to share with all of you how this first session made me feel from inside and how did it progressed. We were 5 people who gathered and what I realized in the course of discussion was that its so damn easy to say a line like:

" I understand you but..." or  "I understand/know your feelings but...

"I understand you friend but.....!!!"

during the conversations with our friends, parents,relatives and many more. And its very normal and common  way of speaking and addressing others. What I  felt during the sharing and conversations is that the other person whom I am actually sharing this at times, really does not even connect to it and is not assured if he/She is actually being understood.  There is also a bit of confusion in terms of the word "UNDERSTOOD" that looks very over whelming. 

 When this line is used, for me its like a 100% assurance when the person says I understand and then suddenly its 100% disappointment when I hear "BUT" ahead of it. 

              I swing in the  laps of emotions and just can figure out which part of my conversation is really being empathized and understood by the other person. It works as a sword when it comes to relationships because there is a lot of love,connection, intimacy and trust around it and when some speaks this line, it just so painful and so struggling.

The struggle post that is also very insightful for me the way I see it. If some one says to me this line and want to convey that I am not comfortable with it and even I did not like it when you used it. 

The challenge for me is I don't know how to share my this part of feelings without hurting him and at the same point sharing my honesty and meeting my own very needs of being truthful to myself for what I am.

What I am personally taking away from this online session:

•  is to be very cautious of my words when I am listening to the other person.
• At times be silent and just listen because words might create confusion and lend the conversation in trouble which both of us never expected.
• There are other means and non violent ways through which one can share the same feelings of yes, I understand you. Its not always required to be verbal at times. Your gestures speaks more than words.
• Also its a self -reflection when I start asking myself am I really understanding the other person and to what extent? And is he relating to the same in that time and space given.
• Close relationships expectations are much more and certain words can just be so not apt.
• Respecting the pain and vulnerability of the other person is important but not at the cost of meeting your unmet needs. It can be a strategy at times but one needs to know it and be aware of his/her own.

"INTENSE CONVERSATIONS AND THE VERY BOND OF LOVE  AND CONNECTION IN THEM"

Last but not the Least, I once again discovered the power of togetherness and trust takes you to higher level of peace and contentment. So happy to have this feeling rejuvenating in me in such a positive way. I am could connect to Shammi, Ananta,Avinash and Mungesh. Grateful for this connection. Shammi, your facilitation gave me lots of insights and if I really want to sum it up in one line: it was like river flowing with its full freedom and yet conscious about the risks, challenges and concerns around it. You dealt with this topic very beautifully.

Friends,stay connected to hear more from  "DIL KI ZUBAN.."